Humans are cruel. Cold hearted. You may think where is this coming from and what the heck am I talking about.
This post may offend some people on my facebook page or even some random people reading this, as parenting styles differ from person to person, but I feel I must share my thoughts on this matter. This is by no mean targeting specific people. If this does apply to you, I just ask you to try to look at this from a different perspective and understand.
As parents, the more time passes the more people tend to adapt to more cruel parenting styles. People are so worried about " spoiling" their children or making their newborn " independent" or getting the house clean or whatever else it is you justify your reason for doing it that we get caught up in this concept and don't really understand what we are doing.
These parenting styles that are changing are more about pushing our babies away from us, going against our natural mother instinct. Something no other animal or creature even does with their own babies. Why are we so cruel? Why are mother dogs more compassionate and loving to their babies than humans are? This does not make sense in my head.
People CHOOSE to formula feed because they want that independence. They don't want to be attached to baby 24/7 and want to live an independent life still by leaving their babies with other people over night.
People are afraid of holding their babies " too much" because they don't want their newborn to be spoiled.
People expect babies to sleep through the night immediately. And are ready to go to any extremes to make sure that happens. Whether that means feed their baby rice cereal at 2 months and make sure their stomach is " full" so they don't wake up to eat. Not understanding the health risks that may bring to their babies. Or whether that means letting your baby " cry it out" because you think they are " whining" or are already spoiled asking for their mama at night.
We are pushing our babies away from each other. Defying our own motherly instinct.
Look at a dog for instance who just had some pups. If she steps away for a minute to eat her food, and all of a sudden one of her pups starts crying. Despite the fact she is hungry or tired she drops everything and runs to her puppy. Motherly instinct. Love. Compassion. Not spoiling her young.
Why are we so afraid of listening to our own motherly instincts?
Even as adults we do not like to sleep alone. Yet we expect a baby to do so.
As adults when we are so upset and crying hysterically, we would not like to be locked in a dark room alone, or better yet in a cage like crib where we cannot get out. When we are upset we need a loved one to comfort us, yet it is perfectly acceptable to do so to a baby. Does not make sense to me.
All these concepts are all about pushing the baby away from us and expecting baby to be an independent grown up at an early age. We don't understand the psychological and emotional damage it may cause.
Now, I am not afraid to say I am very against crying it out. People may say it works for them after a few nights. And if it does work, it is not because baby has learned to sleep, it is because baby has learned that mama won't always be there for me. If I am sad, or hungry, or uncomfortable or whatever the reason, if I call mama she won't be there. So there is no point to cry but to be here left alone. This is such a sad thought. The bond and trust is being sacrificed here.
Babies are not evil little creatures that scheme and plan ahead on how to trick their parents. If they are crying they NEED something. Maybe they are hungry, or upset, or hurt, or uncomfortable. Babies can't talk. Crying is their communication, and if we as mothers do not respond to their cries their trust is triggered.
We are so willing to substitute other objects for ourselves that it does not make sense.
Some mothers are against breastfeeding or extended breastfeeding but rather have baby suck on a pacifier.
Some mothers won't hold their children and rather have them in a carseat or crib or whatever all day.
The list is endless.
I don't have any links for you, I believe this because this is something I just naturally believe in. But if you ever thought about crying it out or other people have told you to do it, or maybe you DO do it, google it and see WHY it is not beneficial to your baby.
Aside of not having the heart to do it, I know as an adult I would NEVER want to be left alone to cry. It would take a huge emotional toll on me, and I can't imagine how hard it would be for baby. Especially since they do not understand why the one person they love and look up to is not there for them.
It can cause dramatic emotional and psychological damage to the baby. Just do your reading on it.
I know I can't change anyone's mind who is already dead set on this. But the least I can do is share my opinion.
Back to the original topic. I just often think to myself, the most vicious animals are more loving and compassionate to their young, than humans are themselves. That is such a sad thought.
Hold your babies, love them, hold them close.
You won't lose your freedom. You are not spoiling them. It won't take a toll on your marriage. These are your babies, and time passes by too quickly. Before you know it, they will be that independent grown up you are so hard striving them to be at newborn age. And when they are, that is when you will regret and miss those sleepless nights of holding your baby.
Don't be harsh, don't be cruel. These are our babies, and they need our love.
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